Engineers Unveil New Driverless Car Capable Of Committing Hit-And-Run (THE ONION)

“With this step forward, we are closer than ever to having road-ready self-driving cars that are proficient at assessing vehicular damage, analyzing surroundings, and performing complex maneuvers to effectively dodge responsibility after clipping another automobile,” said head engineer Stephen Graham, adding that throughout numerous crash tests on a closed course, the driverless car perfectly executed evasive actions to frantically peel away before observers could record the license plate number. “Very soon, there could be a fleet of self-driving cars specifically designed to eliminate the possibility of human error when making a break for it following a fender bender.”